Finding Friends and Stalking Spouses

the oneI have a friend who struggles to meet the “one.” The truth is, husband hunting is a tricky business. I’d guess this is also true for those seeking a wife, but I can’t speak to that experience.  I told my last admirer straight up that I wasn’t interested in dating, I cut to the chase, told him I was looking for a husband. He laughed. Three years later we got married.

I warned him.

Meeting the right person means being in the right place. Unless you make eyes across the conference room table at work, stake out the vegetable bins in the market, or collide on a morning run through the park, you’ve got to put yourself out there somehow. Figure out what you enjoy. Find people who like the things you do. You don’t have to be identical twins in your tastes, but having some common ground is a good start. If you don’t have much opportunity to meet strangers, there’s your first step.

Mr Wonderful

Mr. Wonderful is not going to ring the doorbell and if by some cosmic coincidence he did, you’d be lounging on the sofa in your grungy sweats, surrounded by crushed Pringles cans and empty Ben & Jerry’s ice cream containers. You know it’s true. Stretch your wings. Dip a toe in the deep end. Try something new. Celebrate a little danger in your life. Make the effort to meet a new friend and something might bloom in the garden. I’m not talking about weeds either. Here are some ideas to get things moving:

1. Release the inner artist. Check out the local Parks & Recreation and learn how to do something entirely new: sew a quilt, oil paint a portrait, knit some socks, draw a live nude model….BE a live nude model. This is a great way to meet people in your comunity and try something fun.

2. Sign-up for a cooking class. Maybe two! You’ll not only spend a small fortune on excellent tools (All-Clad rocks!) but at the conclusion you’ll be able to impress all and sundry with your epicurean talents.

3. Take up a new athletic study. Try on a martial art, experiment with archery, try your hand at swinging a sword, visit a gun range for some target shooting, grab a dance partner and learn how to tango. Mix it up – remember you’re stretching your comfort zone.

4. Immerse yourself in another language. Post-it note your house to acquire necessary vocabulary and search out someone to practice conversation (use common sense with craigslist). When you’ve learned 100 words – visit your chosen locale and try them out.

5. Challenge others to help you meet people. Organize a monthly BBQ and rotate from house-to-house. Plan an annual yard sale event and heave-ho the baggage of your past. Host a no-holds-barred weekend blitz for yourself – go somewhere wild. Live.

Be daring, but know this now…I take no responsibility for your poor choices. Relationship advice will not be forthcoming. My only suggestion…never bail anyone out of jail. It’s expensive. Let them stew and maybe they’ll be less likely to go out for round two of whatever mischief landed them in the hoosegow. You also might want to measure the healthy factor in that relationship. Just saying. No one wants to see their friends on talk-show-television.

question markWhat’s the 911 on how you met your significant other? What’s the backstory with you and your BFF? Spill the beans and tell us how you hooked up with your thick-as-thieves posse…

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  1. #1 by Natalie on September 16, 2011 - 6:08 pm

    I actually met hubby at a wedding, if you can imagine. The corniest place. The bride and I were coworkers and she (and everyone I worked with) was convinced hubby and I were the PERFECT fit and low and behold, they were right! Seven years and going strong…

  2. #2 by Angela Wallace on September 16, 2011 - 8:17 pm

    I just wanted to say I love those pictures and this is a great post. =)

  3. #3 by elenaaitken.com on September 16, 2011 - 9:04 pm

    Great post! I met my hubby at a nightclub. Yup, it's true and totally unromantic. But…something must have stuck. That was 15 years ago.

  4. #4 by towriteistowrite on September 17, 2011 - 12:05 am

    I met my husband in a writing practice group. We're both still writing.

  5. #5 by Lesann Berry on September 17, 2011 - 1:07 am

    Hey Natalie, I think it's sweet you met Mr. Perfect at a wedding. At least you had common nuptial experience for comparison when it came time to plan the details. Congratulations on the seven years! Awesome.

  6. #6 by Lesann Berry on September 17, 2011 - 1:08 am

    Thanks Angela. I love the henna design and if I had those long graceful fingers I'd find somebody to do it to me. Unfortunately it would look more like tattooed sausages stuck to the end of my hands. Not really the look I'd want…although I'd wear that ring no matter how ridiculous it appeared!

  7. #7 by Lesann Berry on September 17, 2011 - 1:10 am

    Nightclub! Elena! You don't even want to know the bad Saturday-night-fever-esque skit that just ran through my mind compliments of Saturday Night Live. I'm certain it was nothing like that, but still, youthful associations and all.But in the end, it doesn't matter where you met, just that you DID, and 15 years means it was a good thing!

  8. #8 by Lesann Berry on September 17, 2011 - 1:12 am

    towriteistowrite – that's got to be one of the best places! See, you get the big reward…it's like you read the post before I even wrote it. Now if I could just convince my single friend that she MIGHT meet someone nice if she'd try something besides karaoke…The images of love letters flying back and forth is pretty cool!

  9. #9 by Anonymous on September 17, 2011 - 2:58 pm

    My hubby and I met at work- not very original, but when i moved to town i got a job at the health food store he was already working at. There is a lot of drama- huuby number one, and my son, plus other craziness before we got together, but it's a long story. However we have now been married 12 years- I think. I do want to point out- there was no cheating involved in us getting together.

  10. #10 by Lesann Berry on September 17, 2011 - 4:01 pm

    Thanks for dropping in and sharing, Anonymous. I think a lot of couples hook up at work because we spend so many hours of our day in that physical space, it only makes sense we'll spend time getting to know our coworkers.Relationships are tough, esepcially beginnings and endings. Twelve years together is some impressive success.

  11. #11 by Sara Grambusch on September 17, 2011 - 6:33 pm

    I met my boyfriend of two years online. I dated online for a year until I met him. I'm a big proponent of it actually. I wrote a blog post with my tips if anyone is interested:http://sarasexpletives.wordpress.com/2011/04/21/date-online/ But I'm not sure I'd want to do it again. Dating is work however you look it. That ring is gorgeous! If that's yours, you are very lucky :)Great post!

  12. #12 by Lesann Berry on September 17, 2011 - 7:17 pm

    Hi Sara! Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. I remember when online dating hit the scene and people really argued the pros and cons, but it's not that different than any other method of meeting strangers for socializing. I once lived next door to a woman who used the personals ads and she had some interesting techniques to ditch out if she didn't like someone's looks – it isn't the internet that's made us shallow…I agree, dating is work which is why I decided not to do it. lolThe ring, alas, is not mine. Some other lucky person will be wearing that one.

  13. #13 by Marion Spicher on September 18, 2011 - 9:26 pm

    A singles bar acquaintance introduced me to a bachelor he admired, and I worked so hard to find something interesting to stimulate discussion, we ended up getting married.

  14. #14 by Lesann Berry on September 19, 2011 - 7:00 am

    Wow Marion! Sounds like conversation worked the charm. I'm not a socializer so when I discovered my sweetie and I never seemed to run out of things to chat about – that was a sign. Thanks for dropping in to visit.

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